My Tiny Plot

Call me crazy but I’ve taken on another plot - this one is a wee bit smaller than mtp so we’re calling it mttp (my teeny-tiny plot). As with all new plots it’s in a bad state. Lots of comfrey, nettles, bindweed and a fair bit of rubbish to clear (old carpets etc). But Ryan’s made a good start with our neighbours old rotovator and we’re hoping to have it up and running by the end of the May Day weekend. Since the new plot is just a minute’s walk from our house I’m planning to use it to grow plants that need a lot of attention or that need picking often: tomatoes, lettuce, cucumber, etc

I don’t want to gross anyone out but this is what I found a few days ago when I was investigating a small raised bump in the middle of the pathway up at mtp. We couldn’t work out what the strange protrusions were but when we scooped back the wood chips and rolled away the ‘weed suppressing fabric’ (ha!) this is what was found; The slugs were having a positive party down there, with their friends Comfrey and Couch. Hmph…I knew it was too good to be true. So… (and this is where organic lovers should cover their ears)…out came the Round-Up and bye-bye weeds. I sprayed the lot, removed (and dispatched) the slugs and carefully replaced the fabric and chips. I came, I saw, I annihilated, I went.
ps. If anyone from work is reading this I’m still ill in bed - and no I haven’t been gardening. That’s how ill I am!

I haven’t been to the allotment all weekend - damn! We’ve been up in London working (boo!). And now it’s Sunday night, I’m exhausted and it’s raining. Hmmm…. I think the elements are conspiring against me so we’ll make a fresh start tomorrow. I took this picture on Thursday last week. I planted some marigolds inbetween the four cabbage plants the slugs left for us. I think they look great together and the flowers should attract some friendly bugs our way. Oh and I thinned out the perpetual spinach plants and we ate the thinnings. Our first REAL harvest - wow it tasted so good! - a bit gritty (must wash leaves more thoroughly next time) but great all the same.

Right that’s it, now it’s Snail War. They may be soft, stripey and kinda cute sometimes but no-one dines for free at Chez MTP. The six cabbage plants I put in have been mercilessly munched into oblivion by slimey invertibrates. Something has to be done. They have to die, that much is clear, but by which weapon? Should I go for the Rocket Launcher (slug pellets), the Uzi (midnight salt raids), the Grenade (beer traps loaded with John Smiths) or the Shotgun (a line of broken shells).
Pellets, I decided, were not in line with my organic leanings, while the thought of midnight salt raids made me want to vomit (I still don’t like killing things). In the end I decided it had to be a two-pronged attack of beer plus a barrier of broken shells. It seems to be working on first inspection. Anyone got any other ideas on how I can win the Snail War?

Couch grass is EVIL. Accept it…! It must be burnt, it must die, die, die, die, die, die. And then die some more. Couch grass die with all its family, its cousins, distant aunts, uncles, its nieces, nephews, and step-sisters (if it has any). Goodbye!

A wise man (David Hepworth) once said that you are always 25% worse than you think you are and your competition are always 25% better than you think they are. He was talking about magazines but I reckon you can apply that rule to just about anything you want. For example, at the end of the month I always have 25% less money in the bank than I think I have. Painting the living room always takes about 25% longer than you think it will. And… clearing one small allotment of couch grass infested manure takes roughly 25% more wheelbarrow loads to shift than you think it will. The under-gardener will get 25% more filthy than he anticipated and he’ll probably be 25% more knackered than he ought to be.

I have a problem, and the problem is this - I don’t like killing things! As head gardener at mtp I know it is my duty to rid the area of bugs, slugs, snails, grubs and caterpillars but I find it really hard to kill them. I was chatting to one of my neighbours the other day and casually pointed out that the Comfrey plants were attracting some prettyish caterpillars. Their reaction was to nonchalantly stamp on the bush thus squashing the black and yellow creatures into a pulpy mess. I was horrified (but said nothing of course). This picture is of the one singular caterpillar that survived. I felt I had betrayed an innocent animal, shopped him to the feds, revealled his hidding place when all he asked for was sanctuary on mtp.
Of course I might feel differently about this when my new found friends have eaten my lettuce crop overnight.